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Luminosity: noun

A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?

A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?
It has been haunting me, the question: “If I could get it wrong, after so much effort and time and energy and care, how can I ever hear His voice in my life?” And, then: “If I...

Self-Centered Sufferer

Self-Centered Sufferer
I am really self-centered. No matter how much I claim I love my Lord, no matter how much I seek Him and pray and read His Word, no matter how much I endeavor to serve and minister and share His...

Confused

Confused
It’s a new year. That thought is a little scary to me, to be honest. The snarky comment keeps rearing up in my head, “What child are we going to lose THIS year?” In spite of the...

Perspective

Perspective
The week prior to Christmas was a hard one. Yep, still here without a baby. And this miscarriage isn’t even completely over, yet. And, yep, it’s completely miserable just waiting for it to end,...
The Sacrifice of the Christmas Promise

The Sacrifice of the Christmas Promise

How many Christmases, with the world focused on the baby who came into the world, am I going to be blogging about losing a baby? Ughhhhh. So I’ve been doing a whole lot of praying and listening and...
Angry

Angry

You know all those stages of grief? Yeah, well I am fully, completely in the stage of ANGER.   It’s Different This Time I didn’t really get here, with Dominic. First of all, I never expected...
The Blue Ridge Women’s Center After Knowing

The Blue Ridge Women’s Center Afte...

I am bursting out of my skin with excitement.  There are times, early in the morning and in the evening, when I just lie in bed doing nothing but thinking about the reality that we are having more children,...
Losing, Again

Losing, Again

I was wrong. Devastatingly wrong. There is no baby – It is definitely a miscarriage. Remember that critical part of the Miraculous-Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith Building Plan, hearing correctly? Yeah,...
The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey F...

The Lord had told me, over and over again, through this pregnancy, to trust Him. To hope in Him. To have faith that He is the Truth, not what I see. This has been a true battle – a war in my soul. To...
Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence...

Wanting Physical Proof   I have two weeks to wait for another ultrasound. Two weeks to find out: Am I going to receive the desire of my heart, or am I going to experience the second greatest heartbreak of...
Numbers, Security, and Faith

Numbers, Security, and Faith

I really just always want definitive answers in my life. I want to just know, one way or the other, so I can move in a direction. Time and time again the Lord keeps me in the great shade of grey, so I have to...
It’s Not Good News

It’s Not Good News

I finally got into the doctor today – after 5 days of bleeding. If you’re going to start bleeding big time from your pregnancy, the day before the Thanksgiving holiday is not the day to do it. Just...
Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

The Earth Is Trembling I am bleeding. I don’t even care that that’s TMI, because right now there are just too many more important things going on in my world than whether or not I am following...
Quitting the Masquerade

Quitting the Masquerade

Dominic has changed me in ways that I am still only discovering. One of those ways, I have learned, is my ability to be around people. Interaction with people over a long period of time tires me out, now. I...
God’s Promise To Me

God’s Promise To Me

It has taken a while for the reality to sink in; to believe that it’s really, truly, real… We are going to have more children. I kept one of the pregnancy tests (yeah, there were a bunch of them)...

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A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?