See Luminosity

Browsing »

The Sacrifice of the Christmas Promise

The Sacrifice of the Christmas Promise

How many Christmases, with the world focused on the baby who came into the world, am I going to be blogging about losing a baby? Ughhhhh. So I’ve been doing a whole lot of praying and listening and talking with God and a whole lot of processing and writing (well, actually, those are never mutually […]

Angry

Angry

You know all those stages of grief? Yeah, well I am fully, completely in the stage of ANGER.   It’s Different This Time I didn’t really get here, with Dominic. First of all, I never expected him to live – maybe that was God’s grace to me, I don’t know – but I didn’t have […]

The Blue Ridge Women’s Center After Knowing

The Blue Ridge Women’s Center After Knowing

I am bursting out of my skin with excitement.  There are times, early in the morning and in the evening, when I just lie in bed doing nothing but thinking about the reality that we are having more children, and talking to the Lord about it. Well, let’s be honest. It’s more like vacillating between […]

Losing, Again

Losing, Again

I was wrong. Devastatingly wrong. There is no baby – It is definitely a miscarriage. Remember that critical part of the Miraculous-Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith Building Plan, hearing correctly? Yeah, well, apparently I didn’t. And, instead, we seem to be on the Rebecca-is-Humbled plan. Not sure how faith-building this plan is, but it definitely makes it clear […]

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Lord had told me, over and over again, through this pregnancy, to trust Him. To hope in Him. To have faith that He is the Truth, not what I see. This has been a true battle – a war in my soul. To keep looking at mounting physical evidence and deny that its logical […]

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Wanting Physical Proof   I have two weeks to wait for another ultrasound. Two weeks to find out: Am I going to receive the desire of my heart, or am I going to experience the second greatest heartbreak of my life? But, see, even those very questions – they put faith in where we all […]

Numbers, Security, and Faith

Numbers, Security, and Faith

I really just always want definitive answers in my life. I want to just know, one way or the other, so I can move in a direction. Time and time again the Lord keeps me in the great shade of grey, so I have to take one tiny, agonizing step at a time, holding His […]

It’s Not Good News

It’s Not Good News

I finally got into the doctor today – after 5 days of bleeding. If you’re going to start bleeding big time from your pregnancy, the day before the Thanksgiving holiday is not the day to do it. Just sayin’. I got an ultrasound, and the news wasn’t conclusive, but neither was it good. They were […]

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

The Earth Is Trembling I am bleeding. I don’t even care that that’s TMI, because right now there are just too many more important things going on in my world than whether or not I am following guidelines of decorum. I have been bleeding for two days, and I don’t mean just a little spotting. […]

Quitting the Masquerade

Quitting the Masquerade

Dominic has changed me in ways that I am still only discovering. One of those ways, I have learned, is my ability to be around people. Interaction with people over a long period of time tires me out, now. I also feel more protective of my time; I want my moments to count, and I […]

God’s Promise To Me

God’s Promise To Me

It has taken a while for the reality to sink in; to believe that it’s really, truly, real… We are going to have more children. I kept one of the pregnancy tests (yeah, there were a bunch of them) out on the bathroom counter for about a week, just because I’ve dreamed about having a […]

Thankful Doesn’t Begin To Describe It

Thankful Doesn’t Begin To Describe It

“Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind” (Psalm 107). It is hard to know where to begin, this Thanksgiving, in gratitude to my Lord for the blessings of this past year. Do I start with my husband’s promotion? My beautiful new home? The fact that […]

The Lord’s Next Chapter For Us

The Lord’s Next Chapter For Us

The Lord tells us, clearly, that in this world, “you will have trouble”. He tells us to “count the cost” and warns us that following Him means carrying our cross and denying ourselves and suffering. Scripture makes it clear that this world is “in bondage to decay”, that sin and pain and death are part […]

Life Is Happening Here

Life Is Happening Here

I felt the Lord tugging me to it even before Dominic was born. Years ago, a friend from church shared about her experience working as a counselor for the Blue Ridge Women’s Center – Roanoke’s pro-life ministry to women with (planned and) unplanned pregnancies. The more she spoke, the more I knew I wanted to […]

Renovation

Renovation

It’s been months since I’ve written. The first year and a half after Dominic’s death were consumed with the need to document, to process, to wrestle with the feelings, thoughts, and realities that permeated my world after the loss of my son. It was an all-encompassing, obsessive drive to pound on the door of heaven […]

Surprised by Joy

Surprised by Joy

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. And, you know what? That’s a really good thing. Writing has been a light in the tunnel, a path through the storm, these past 18 months.  It is putting words to page that has been the anchor to connect me to God’s purpose and goodness in the […]

“I Wouldn’t Do It, But I Wouldn’t Say That It’s Wrong”

“I Wouldn’t Do It, But I Wouldn’t Say That It’s Wrong”

“I wouldn’t do it, but I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong”. It’s a sentiment I keep hearing, everywhere. Certainly from non-Christians, but, increasingly, from the Christian community as well. And the snarky question I want to ask back is, “Why not?” But I know the answer. It is an answer borne from a view of […]

My New Year’s Resolution

My New Year’s Resolution

I don’t normally do New Year’s resolutions. I mean, it already takes me, on a normal day, at least an hour to fall asleep at night due to my daily habit of pondering what I need to do better the next day or the next week or the next…you get the point. I could never […]

The Season of Joy and Living in Egypt

The Season of Joy and Living in Egypt

It is the season of joy. The Christ child has come, the divine become human, to bridge the chasm our God-rejection created. Holiness proffered by grace, atonement procured by suffering…hope secured for eternity. For me, personally, this season, the blessings abound. Time to read snuggled up with my children each day. A refrigerator stocked full […]

Part 8: Summary – How Sex Has Changed the World

Part 8: Summary – How Sex Has Changed the World

Read the other parts of this series here:   Part 1: Secular Sex Values: The New Standard for the World Part 2: Comprehensive Sex Education, Secular Sex Coming to Your Children Part 3: The Man Who Changed Morality: Sex Researcher Alfred Kinsey Part 4: Alfred Kinsey and Cultural Moral Transformation Part 5: The Power of […]

Thanksgiving for the Awful

Thanksgiving for the Awful

It’s funny how, once you’ve had a tragedy, you start measuring your life in terms of holidays. Thanksgiving 2011 – The holiday we announced the amazing news of our pregnancy with Dominic. Thanksgiving 2012 – The holiday we tried to figure out what “giving thanks” means when our life had been upended and our worst […]

Laugh and Live? or Cry and Die?

Laugh and Live? or Cry and Die?

Have you ever gotten to the place where you wish you could just check out of this life, just be done with it all – and go on home to Jesus? Yeah, I’ve felt that a lot, since Dominic. And apparently, I’m not alone: “For we know that if the earthly tent we live in […]

My Real Citizenship

My Real Citizenship

So, there was this election, recently, in Virginia. And there is a possibility that I got just a wee bit involved in it. Like, posting political commentary non-stop on Facebook (not that anyone noticed), going door-to-door for my candidate, and making a good ol’ homeschooling teaching moment out of taking the kids to hand out […]

Part 7: Sex and Worldview – A Battle For the Soul

Part 7: Sex and Worldview – A Battle For the Soul

Read the other parts of this series here: Part 1: Secular Sex Values: The New Standard for the World Part 2: Comprehensive Sex Education, Secular Sex Coming to Your Children Part 3: The Man Who Changed Morality: Sex Researcher Alfred Kinsey Part 4: Alfred Kinsey and Cultural Moral Transformation Part 5: The Power of Biblical […]

Attempts at Doing the Whole of the Gospel by a Partially-Gospel-Oriented Girl

Attempts at Doing the Whole of the Gospel by a Partially-Gospel-Oriented Girl

Sometimes the narrow way is just very, very difficult to discern. Even when you hear God’s voice and understand what He wants you to do, it’s usually a bit thorny to figure out precisely how to actually implement His will. Ya know, what with our sin and all. Let’s just take me, for example. Since […]

« Previous Entries Next Entries »