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Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

The Earth Is Trembling I am bleeding. I don’t even care that that’s TMI, because right now there are just too many more important things going on in my world than whether or not I am following guidelines of decorum. I have been bleeding for two days, and I don’t mean just a little spotting. […]

Quitting the Masquerade

Quitting the Masquerade

Dominic has changed me in ways that I am still only discovering. One of those ways, I have learned, is my ability to be around people. Interaction with people over a long period of time tires me out, now. I also feel more protective of my time; I want my moments to count, and I […]

God’s Promise To Me

God’s Promise To Me

It has taken a while for the reality to sink in; to believe that it’s really, truly, real… We are going to have more children. I kept one of the pregnancy tests (yeah, there were a bunch of them) out on the bathroom counter for about a week, just because I’ve dreamed about having a […]

Thankful Doesn’t Begin To Describe It

Thankful Doesn’t Begin To Describe It

“Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind” (Psalm 107). It is hard to know where to begin, this Thanksgiving, in gratitude to my Lord for the blessings of this past year. Do I start with my husband’s promotion? My beautiful new home? The fact that […]

The Lord’s Next Chapter For Us

The Lord’s Next Chapter For Us

The Lord tells us, clearly, that in this world, “you will have trouble”. He tells us to “count the cost” and warns us that following Him means carrying our cross and denying ourselves and suffering. Scripture makes it clear that this world is “in bondage to decay”, that sin and pain and death are part […]

Life Is Happening Here

Life Is Happening Here

I felt the Lord tugging me to it even before Dominic was born. Years ago, a friend from church shared about her experience working as a counselor for the Blue Ridge Women’s Center – Roanoke’s pro-life ministry to women with (planned and) unplanned pregnancies. The more she spoke, the more I knew I wanted to […]

Renovation

Renovation

It’s been months since I’ve written. The first year and a half after Dominic’s death were consumed with the need to document, to process, to wrestle with the feelings, thoughts, and realities that permeated my world after the loss of my son. It was an all-encompassing, obsessive drive to pound on the door of heaven […]

Surprised by Joy

Surprised by Joy

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. And, you know what? That’s a really good thing. Writing has been a light in the tunnel, a path through the storm, these past 18 months.  It is putting words to page that has been the anchor to connect me to God’s purpose and goodness in the […]

“I Wouldn’t Do It, But I Wouldn’t Say That It’s Wrong”

“I Wouldn’t Do It, But I Wouldn’t Say That It’s Wrong”

“I wouldn’t do it, but I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong”. It’s a sentiment I keep hearing, everywhere. Certainly from non-Christians, but, increasingly, from the Christian community as well. And the snarky question I want to ask back is, “Why not?” But I know the answer. It is an answer borne from a view of […]

My New Year’s Resolution

My New Year’s Resolution

I don’t normally do New Year’s resolutions. I mean, it already takes me, on a normal day, at least an hour to fall asleep at night due to my daily habit of pondering what I need to do better the next day or the next week or the next…you get the point. I could never […]

The Season of Joy and Living in Egypt

The Season of Joy and Living in Egypt

It is the season of joy. The Christ child has come, the divine become human, to bridge the chasm our God-rejection created. Holiness proffered by grace, atonement procured by suffering…hope secured for eternity. For me, personally, this season, the blessings abound. Time to read snuggled up with my children each day. A refrigerator stocked full […]

Thanksgiving for the Awful

Thanksgiving for the Awful

It’s funny how, once you’ve had a tragedy, you start measuring your life in terms of holidays. Thanksgiving 2011 – The holiday we announced the amazing news of our pregnancy with Dominic. Thanksgiving 2012 – The holiday we tried to figure out what “giving thanks” means when our life had been upended and our worst […]

Laugh and Live? or Cry and Die?

Laugh and Live? or Cry and Die?

Have you ever gotten to the place where you wish you could just check out of this life, just be done with it all – and go on home to Jesus? Yeah, I’ve felt that a lot, since Dominic. And apparently, I’m not alone: “For we know that if the earthly tent we live in […]

My Real Citizenship

My Real Citizenship

So, there was this election, recently, in Virginia. And there is a possibility that I got just a wee bit involved in it. Like, posting political commentary non-stop on Facebook (not that anyone noticed), going door-to-door for my candidate, and making a good ol’ homeschooling teaching moment out of taking the kids to hand out […]

Part 6: The Power of Sex Gone Wrong

Part 6: The Power of Sex Gone Wrong

Read the other parts of this series here:   Part 1: Secular Sex Values: The New Standard for the World Part 2: Comprehensive Sex Education, Secular Sex Coming to Your Children Part 3: The Man Who Changed Morality: Sex Researcher Alfred Kinsey Part 4: Alfred Kinsey and Cultural Moral Transformation Part 5: The Power of […]

Quiet and Rest for the Still Grieving Heart

Quiet and Rest for the Still Grieving Heart

I just want to do. I’m always in need of a project, or a cause. Something big, something tough, something worthy that I can sink my teeth into and pour all of my energy into and get consumed by. Hours of toil, mind-numbing problem-solving, energy-draining effort – they all make me feel productive. Useful. Alive. […]

The Spiritual Consequences of Summer

The Spiritual Consequences of Summer

Yellow buses, backpacks, new notebooks. Although it’s not quite the same for us homeschoolers, August/September ends up being “back to school” for us, too. Yes, we “do school” throughout the summer some, but not nearly as intensely or consistently, so the re-start-up is often a bit rocky. Or a lot. Like, whining and complaining non-stop. […]

Noni’s Move

Noni’s Move

I have the best mother-in-law ever. And, no, all you doubting in-law-phobes, that was not sarcastic. I know that most people cannot claim this. Yes, I have heard horror mother-in-law stories, and heard the laments of many a wife’s Mama’s Boy’s woes. Have to say, this is one area in life in which God gave […]

Do You Want to Get Well?

Do You Want to Get Well?

Pity Party It has been a week of abundant stress and limited resources. In so many areas, the “not working out” has outweighed the “going the way I want it”, “not enough” has seemed to outweigh the abundance, and disappointment has outweighed hope. It’s been the kind of week that makes me soul weary and […]

A Year of the Sweet Spot

A Year of the Sweet Spot

2 birthdays, within 5 days of each other. My oldest and youngest children. Yet only one of them was I able to celebrate actually with the child. Having these birthdays so close – DD1’s 8th and Dominic’s 1st – has gotten me thinking about this year. I did a photo shoot with DD1, as I […]

Moving, Losing, and Hope

Moving, Losing, and Hope

I don’t have a lot of really close friends. Oh yes, I’m an extrovert and I’m good in a crowd and can kibitz with the best of them at a gathering, but, ultimately, my really-good-friend circle is pretty small. My friend life is much more “an inch wide and a mile deep” than “a mile […]

The T-Shirt I Want

The T-Shirt I Want

Survival We’ve survived. I feel like I need one of those t-shirts. You know, the ones that you get when you’ve made it through breast cancer? I feel like I need one that says, “I’ve survived the loss of my baby”. I’ll bet those wouldn’t be really popular. Today marks the end of “Dominic week”. […]

3 Days

3 Days

July 31st, a new family celebration Your birthday, the day you were born. But another date looming, August 3rd, – shouldn’t be – A mere 3 days past, we now mourn.   Ephemeral, fleeting; life hardly started Wings clipped before learning to fly Potentiality abbreviated by finality; Hello truncated too soon by goodbye. 3 days […]

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

How do we measure a year? In birthdays. This one – your first – what does it measure? The ways we have loved you, without you, and how we have known pain unimagined, heartbreak, the stone cold hard reality of death at our door. Dreams ripped apart, theology torn Fists to the sky, fallen souls […]

Gravestone Rain

Gravestone Rain

I am supposed to be planning my son’s first birthday. Instead, I went to his grave. I’ve written so much about the ways The Lord has blessed me through Dominic’s death. But sometimes, like today, it just sucks.  Sometimes I am just a mother without a child, sitting in a cemetery, instead of figuring out […]

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