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The Season of Joy and Living in Egypt

The Season of Joy and Living in Egypt

It is the season of joy. The Christ child has come, the divine become human, to bridge the chasm our God-rejection created. Holiness proffered by grace, atonement procured by suffering…hope secured for eternity. For me, personally, this season, the blessings abound. Time to read snuggled up with my children each day. A refrigerator stocked full […]

Thanksgiving for the Awful

Thanksgiving for the Awful

It’s funny how, once you’ve had a tragedy, you start measuring your life in terms of holidays. Thanksgiving 2011 – The holiday we announced the amazing news of our pregnancy with Dominic. Thanksgiving 2012 – The holiday we tried to figure out what “giving thanks” means when our life had been upended and our worst […]

Laugh and Live? or Cry and Die?

Laugh and Live? or Cry and Die?

Have you ever gotten to the place where you wish you could just check out of this life, just be done with it all – and go on home to Jesus? Yeah, I’ve felt that a lot, since Dominic. And apparently, I’m not alone: “For we know that if the earthly tent we live in […]

Quiet and Rest for the Still Grieving Heart

Quiet and Rest for the Still Grieving Heart

I just want to do. I’m always in need of a project, or a cause. Something big, something tough, something worthy that I can sink my teeth into and pour all of my energy into and get consumed by. Hours of toil, mind-numbing problem-solving, energy-draining effort – they all make me feel productive. Useful. Alive. […]

The Spiritual Consequences of Summer

The Spiritual Consequences of Summer

Yellow buses, backpacks, new notebooks. Although it’s not quite the same for us homeschoolers, August/September ends up being “back to school” for us, too. Yes, we “do school” throughout the summer some, but not nearly as intensely or consistently, so the re-start-up is often a bit rocky. Or a lot. Like, whining and complaining non-stop. […]

Noni’s Move

Noni’s Move

I have the best mother-in-law ever. And, no, all you doubting in-law-phobes, that was not sarcastic. I know that most people cannot claim this. Yes, I have heard horror mother-in-law stories, and heard the laments of many a wife’s Mama’s Boy’s woes. Have to say, this is one area in life in which God gave […]

A Birthday Poem For My Dad

A Birthday Poem For My Dad

It’s that time again, celebration time here That day that comes but only one time a year   So many years, now, I start to lose count – Sixty-five? Sixty-seven? Who cares, he’s got clout.   Pastor, advisor, counselor, Dad Wise now, and weathered, but his health isn’t bad   Yes, the paunch has grown […]

A Year of the Sweet Spot

A Year of the Sweet Spot

2 birthdays, within 5 days of each other. My oldest and youngest children. Yet only one of them was I able to celebrate actually with the child. Having these birthdays so close – DD1’s 8th and Dominic’s 1st – has gotten me thinking about this year. I did a photo shoot with DD1, as I […]

The T-Shirt I Want

The T-Shirt I Want

Survival We’ve survived. I feel like I need one of those t-shirts. You know, the ones that you get when you’ve made it through breast cancer? I feel like I need one that says, “I’ve survived the loss of my baby”. I’ll bet those wouldn’t be really popular. Today marks the end of “Dominic week”. […]

3 Days

3 Days

July 31st, a new family celebration Your birthday, the day you were born. But another date looming, August 3rd, – shouldn’t be – A mere 3 days past, we now mourn.   Ephemeral, fleeting; life hardly started Wings clipped before learning to fly Potentiality abbreviated by finality; Hello truncated too soon by goodbye. 3 days […]

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

How do we measure a year? In birthdays. This one – your first – what does it measure? The ways we have loved you, without you, and how we have known pain unimagined, heartbreak, the stone cold hard reality of death at our door. Dreams ripped apart, theology torn Fists to the sky, fallen souls […]

Gravestone Rain

Gravestone Rain

I am supposed to be planning my son’s first birthday. Instead, I went to his grave. I’ve written so much about the ways The Lord has blessed me through Dominic’s death. But sometimes, like today, it just sucks.  Sometimes I am just a mother without a child, sitting in a cemetery, instead of figuring out […]

Weary

Weary

I love my Lord. And I trust Him completely, and truly believe that He is always working for my good. But sometimes I’m just weary of it all. I’m a fighter. But these past few weeks even I have wanted to just surrender. Life is so much harder than anyone tells you, when you start […]

Suffering for Good

Suffering for Good

Today my youngest daughter and I went by Dominic’s grave. Just a brief visit, we stopped by to…remember? Grieve? Reacquaint ourselves with the fact that we really did have a baby? I don’t know why we went, maybe for all of the above. Afterward came the inevitable musings: “I miss Dominic, Mom”. “I wish he […]

Dominic’s Diaper Genie

Dominic’s Diaper Genie

We are selling our baby stuff. I have kept the diapers that people gave me for Dominic in his closet. Until now. Thinking that we would imminently have more children and I would need them. It’s been a year. For a variety of very important reasons, the Lord has made it clear that we are […]

Grass on a Grave

Grass on a Grave

It has been almost a year since Dominic. In some ways, it seems like it all happened yesterday, and in some ways it feels like a lifetime has passed. A Year of Healing Brokenness One thing that is odd, when you’ve lost someone, is how differently time seems to function. I know time is moving […]

3 Second Salisbury Steak Thank Yous

3 Second Salisbury Steak Thank Yous

Thank Yous and Salisbury Steak It’s an idea I got from my sister, who got it from the amazing Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta, Georgia. One of the “Essential 55” rules used by award-winning educator Ron Clark to “take apathetic students and transform them into award-winning scholars” is this: “Always say thank you when someone […]

Turning Milk Into Wine

Turning Milk Into Wine

It’s been called “liquid gold”, and for good reason. Breastmilk, that amazing, life-giving gift that increases children’s health, encourages mother-child bonding, and may even increase children’s IQ. And it’s so very precious – when there is not enough, there are very limited ways to get more, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. The Milk Miracles […]

My Mother’s Day Label

My Mother’s Day Label

The tears came again, today. Mother’s Day actually sneaked up on me this year, and I didn’t even realize it was coming up until two days before. Probably a good thing, that. No Label For Me This is the first Mother’s Day that I am a… Well, what am I, exactly? Certainly not an orphan […]

An Inspiration…Not

An Inspiration…Not

I feel the need to put something to rest. It never came up, really, before Dominic, but now it’s like a thing, and I feel like I can’t keep blogging without addressing it. It’s when people tell me that I’m “an inspiration”. Or that they admire me. Or some version of that same sentiment. Eeeek. […]

My Idol

My Idol

Funny how Satan works. You think he’s going to tempt you with lust and greed and power (which I’m sure he does with plenty of people), and then he goes and uses something a lot craftier. Apparently Satan has pulled out the big guns, with me. Something that no one would think would lead to […]

The Hard Assignment

The Hard Assignment

Divine Subterfuge I had no idea, when Dominic died, just what kind of assignment The Lord was signing me up for. And if I had known, I would’ve just said a big ol’ “NO.” Yep, a la Jonah. Thankfully He didn’t really make it clear what assignment He had for me until I was already […]

Miracles of a Weeping Cherry and Number Sequencing

Miracles of a Weeping Cherry and Number Sequencing

Our weeping cherry tree is blooming. My daughter made progress with understanding number sequencing. And, yes, those two things are connected. The Weeping Cherry I’ll start with the weeping cherry tree. It was a gift from some friends at church, after Dominic died. Kind of a miracle tree, in some ways. You see, we had […]

The 31st

The 31st

The 31st of March is Easter. And my birthday. And the day Dominic would have been 8 months old. Kind of a lot for one date. This Easter the concepts of life and death are just so very…poignant. The death of a son, the celebration of life, the redemption of suffering… This 31st, this Easter, […]

A New Understanding of Easter

A New Understanding of Easter

Easter has always been a time when I have tried to understand. I know the theology: Sin creating a chasm between a holy God and a fallen humanity Sin leading to death by virtue of being the opposite of God (because God is life) Only a perfect God, who was also fully human, in the […]

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