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So Much Emotion With Babies

So Much Emotion With Babies

I got to keep my therapy baby today.

I call him that, because he’s the one that’s gotten me over the hump. The one that has moved me from being emotionally decimated every time I even saw an infant, to being able to enjoy holding one. Well, maybe not any infant, but I love to hold him. God has used this little boy to help heal my heart.

Technically he’s not mine, he’s my friend’s, but the crazy, grief-filled love I feel for him makes me feel like he could be mine. In fact, in my secret moments, I’ve even found myself wishing my friend would suddenly decide she had too many kids and needed to give this one away. *Sigh* Since that’s not going to happen, I’ll have to be content with just taking care of him whenever I can convince my friend to go run an errand or something.

Holding him today, seeing his beautiful smile, rubbing his perfect little head – it brought up so much emotion. Joy and sorrow all mixed together, mingled in rivulets streaming down my face. His eyes are blue, and my Dominic’s were dark, but I felt the same when looking into them. I miss my little man so much. When my therapy baby smiled, it made me long to see Dominic’s smile. Dominic would have been smiling for quite a while now. As I held my therapy baby in the Moby wrap, he just snuggled in perfectly and fell asleep. I never got to hold Dominic in my wrap. As I changed my therapy baby’s diaper, he wiggled and cooed. I never got to change Dominic’s diaper.

Yes, so much emotion with babies.

I couldn’t even sleep well last night, because I was so excited about keeping the little guy today. I actually had three – count them, three – dreams last night about taking care of a baby. But my therapy baby and Dominic weren’t the only babies on my mind. I also couldn’t sleep because of praying for and thinking about another family’s baby – except my emotions were on the opposite end of the spectrum. These friends just learned yesterday that their unborn child’s life expectancy is “weeks”, due to a fatal genetic condition. The news felt like a punch in the gut. No, not another one. Oh, Lord. I feel the devastation all over again.

Having these two baby experiences right in a row has been overwhelming. So much emotion. There is something about babies that evokes a depth of feeling like nothing else. Astounding, brilliant joy, when babies come to us healthy and happy and whole. Gut-wrenching, all-consuming grief when babies are in pain, unhealthy, or dying. There is no “ho-hum” reaction to a baby.

Maybe that’s why God chose to become part of our human experience as a baby.

We’ve gotten so used to the Christmas story that we often pass over this…the impact of Christ coming to earth as an infant. God knew that we couldn’t be nonchalant toward His son as a baby. The intensity of emotion, the wonder, the awe of new human life – we’d experience it all if the Messiah came as a newborn. He set it up from the beginning, that we couldn’t be lukewarm about Jesus. And, according to Revelation 3:16, a neutral reaction to the Lord is not exactly on God’s “good things” list: “So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” God wants our love. He wants our devotion. He wants our passion.

Yep, coming as a baby was a pretty good plan.

Those who think the Christian life is simply about “being good” or “going to church” haven’t understood the magnitude of the God of the universe coming to our world in the form of an infant. There just aren’t any “I have to figure out how to make time to read my Bible today” indifferent responses associated with loving a newborn. No “I really just wish I could get my work done instead of be in worship right now” distracted feelings. No one looks at their new baby, fresh from heaven, and feels, “I know I’m supposed to love him. I’m going to do my best to try to spend time with him.” What feelings are present? Intensity. Longing. Passionate love. Revelry. Possessiveness. Awe. Delight.

The same feelings the Lord feels about us.

Psalm 147:11 “The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” He delights in us. Just like we delight in our newborn infant. Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will…rejoice over you with singing.” Kind of like singing over a baby.

So if you find yourself struggling to spend time in God’s presence, or you’re just not able to connect with the passion of Christmas…

go hold a baby.

And know, God came as that. And what you’re feeling? Yeah, that’s what He wants us to feel for Him.

3 Responses to “So Much Emotion With Babies”

  1. Dana says:

    I repeat Cassie’s words- since I am not a writer but have to let you know you have a gift. Thanks for helping me to see so much clearer today and hopefully tomorrow and the next and the next.

  2. Sharon Gibson says:

    Cassie,
    What an incredible gift you have … what a picture you have presented. As I read your words, I sit at my desk in tears…remembering my “babies”, your babies, and THE baby, Jesus.

    Thanks for showing your heart with us!

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