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5 Years Later

5 Years Later

Sometimes I feel I have lived a lifetime in the past five years. My life, in every respect, has two distinct parts: before Dominic and after Dominic. The “after Dominic” part has, without a doubt, included the most profound suffering, pain, and devastation I have ever experienced. I have hated it, fought against it, been […]

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

It is almost 2016, and it has been months since I have blogged. The past few months have been a slow, laborious process of doing grief work – but not so much over Dominic. I have realized that this past year the greatest portion of my grief has not been so much over the children […]

How The Last 3 Years Have Changed Me

How The Last 3 Years Have Changed Me

It has been a month of tears. I’ve had just enough time to get past the 17th – the due date for the child I lost in miscarriage – to start emotionally preparing for the 31st. I can’t believe he would have been 3 years old. We would know if all that hair turned out […]

July and the Fulfiller of Desires

July and the Fulfiller of Desires

I hate July. July 31st was the day Dominic was born – the child I lost. Today, July 17th, was the day my most recent baby was supposed to be born – the one I lost in miscarriage. Instead of giving birth to the child for which I have longed, I am relegating the baby […]

Over the Hill, Not Empty-handed

Over the Hill, Not Empty-handed

I’ve passed the threshold. No, it’s not the “over the hill” mark, although it certainly is that, too. This birthday has marked a new place in my life that I never thought I’d reach – The age of 40 without any more children. Since Dominic, I’ve just known, somewhere deep, that I would have more […]

Self-Centered Sufferer

Self-Centered Sufferer

I am really self-centered. No matter how much I claim I love my Lord, no matter how much I seek Him and pray and read His Word, no matter how much I endeavor to serve and minister and share His truths… The truth is that I really love myself more. You know how I know? […]

Confused

Confused

It’s a new year. That thought is a little scary to me, to be honest. The snarky comment keeps rearing up in my head, “What child are we going to lose THIS year?” In spite of the specter of death, again, that loomed over our holiday, I am thankful for these days of no responsibility […]

Angry

Angry

You know all those stages of grief? Yeah, well I am fully, completely in the stage of ANGER.   It’s Different This Time I didn’t really get here, with Dominic. First of all, I never expected him to live – maybe that was God’s grace to me, I don’t know – but I didn’t have […]

Losing, Again

Losing, Again

I was wrong. Devastatingly wrong. There is no baby – It is definitely a miscarriage. Remember that critical part of the Miraculous-Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith Building Plan, hearing correctly? Yeah, well, apparently I didn’t. And, instead, we seem to be on the Rebecca-is-Humbled plan. Not sure how faith-building this plan is, but it definitely makes it clear […]

Quiet and Rest for the Still Grieving Heart

Quiet and Rest for the Still Grieving Heart

I just want to do. I’m always in need of a project, or a cause. Something big, something tough, something worthy that I can sink my teeth into and pour all of my energy into and get consumed by. Hours of toil, mind-numbing problem-solving, energy-draining effort – they all make me feel productive. Useful. Alive. […]

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