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The T-Shirt I Want

The T-Shirt I Want

Survival We’ve survived. I feel like I need one of those t-shirts. You know, the ones that you get when you’ve made it through breast cancer? I feel like I need one that says, “I’ve survived the loss of my baby”. I’ll bet those wouldn’t be really popular. Today marks the end of “Dominic week”. […]

3 Days

3 Days

July 31st, a new family celebration Your birthday, the day you were born. But another date looming, August 3rd, – shouldn’t be – A mere 3 days past, we now mourn.   Ephemeral, fleeting; life hardly started Wings clipped before learning to fly Potentiality abbreviated by finality; Hello truncated too soon by goodbye. 3 days […]

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

How do we measure a year? In birthdays. This one – your first – what does it measure? The ways we have loved you, without you, and how we have known pain unimagined, heartbreak, the stone cold hard reality of death at our door. Dreams ripped apart, theology torn Fists to the sky, fallen souls […]

Gravestone Rain

Gravestone Rain

I am supposed to be planning my son’s first birthday. Instead, I went to his grave. I’ve written so much about the ways The Lord has blessed me through Dominic’s death. But sometimes, like today, it just sucks.  Sometimes I am just a mother without a child, sitting in a cemetery, instead of figuring out […]

Weary

Weary

I love my Lord. And I trust Him completely, and truly believe that He is always working for my good. But sometimes I’m just weary of it all. I’m a fighter. But these past few weeks even I have wanted to just surrender. Life is so much harder than anyone tells you, when you start […]

Suffering for Good

Suffering for Good

Today my youngest daughter and I went by Dominic’s grave. Just a brief visit, we stopped by to…remember? Grieve? Reacquaint ourselves with the fact that we really did have a baby? I don’t know why we went, maybe for all of the above. Afterward came the inevitable musings: “I miss Dominic, Mom”. “I wish he […]

Dominic’s Diaper Genie

Dominic’s Diaper Genie

We are selling our baby stuff. I have kept the diapers that people gave me for Dominic in his closet. Until now. Thinking that we would imminently have more children and I would need them. It’s been a year. For a variety of very important reasons, the Lord has made it clear that we are […]

Grass on a Grave

Grass on a Grave

It has been almost a year since Dominic. In some ways, it seems like it all happened yesterday, and in some ways it feels like a lifetime has passed. A Year of Healing Brokenness One thing that is odd, when you’ve lost someone, is how differently time seems to function. I know time is moving […]

Turning Milk Into Wine

Turning Milk Into Wine

It’s been called “liquid gold”, and for good reason. Breastmilk, that amazing, life-giving gift that increases children’s health, encourages mother-child bonding, and may even increase children’s IQ. And it’s so very precious – when there is not enough, there are very limited ways to get more, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. The Milk Miracles […]

My Mother’s Day Label

My Mother’s Day Label

The tears came again, today. Mother’s Day actually sneaked up on me this year, and I didn’t even realize it was coming up until two days before. Probably a good thing, that. No Label For Me This is the first Mother’s Day that I am a… Well, what am I, exactly? Certainly not an orphan […]

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