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On Turning 40

On Turning 40

I asked it, the question: What is the measure of a year? A birth, a death…pointing beyond the here And now, but now I ask again, wondering anew… This time, though different, moving through From one year to many, 40 to be exact Half a life or so, time for purpose to be intact.   […]

Weightless

Weightless

It absolutely took my breath away. Standing, alone, at the top of the snow-blanketed ski mountain, my breath made puffs in the frigid air – that is, until it was taken away. Lilac, rose, apricot and butter hues painted the never-ending sky, radiating their infusion into the deepening blue as far as I could see […]

Shifting From the Promise to the Present

Shifting From the Promise to the Present

The whole “promise” thing makes me want to scream. I have spent so much time trying to figure out if I have a promise from the Lord about more children, and, if so, how this miscarriage fits into all of it. I have trusted and doubted and given up and castigated myself for being a […]

The Test of Blessing

The Test of Blessing

We may say we are committed to God, but how do we really know? We’ve been studying the book of Deuteronomy, in our January Bible Study at church, and it is a book that provides a lot of insights for where I am, right now. In Deuteronomy, God lays out two tests for the Israelites: […]

A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?

A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?

It has been haunting me, the question: “If I could get it wrong, after so much effort and time and energy and care, how can I ever hear His voice in my life?” And, then: “If I can’t hear His voice, how can I make it?” Living Without My Oxygen Hearing God’s voice was what […]

Self-Centered Sufferer

Self-Centered Sufferer

I am really self-centered. No matter how much I claim I love my Lord, no matter how much I seek Him and pray and read His Word, no matter how much I endeavor to serve and minister and share His truths… The truth is that I really love myself more. You know how I know? […]

Confused

Confused

It’s a new year. That thought is a little scary to me, to be honest. The snarky comment keeps rearing up in my head, “What child are we going to lose THIS year?” In spite of the specter of death, again, that loomed over our holiday, I am thankful for these days of no responsibility […]

Perspective

Perspective

The week prior to Christmas was a hard one. Yep, still here without a baby. And this miscarriage isn’t even completely over, yet. And, yep, it’s completely miserable just waiting for it to end, so I can move on. I’ve done a lot of not much but crying and searching. I’ve been through many days […]

The Blue Ridge Women’s Center After Knowing

The Blue Ridge Women’s Center After Knowing

I am bursting out of my skin with excitement.  There are times, early in the morning and in the evening, when I just lie in bed doing nothing but thinking about the reality that we are having more children, and talking to the Lord about it. Well, let’s be honest. It’s more like vacillating between […]

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Lord had told me, over and over again, through this pregnancy, to trust Him. To hope in Him. To have faith that He is the Truth, not what I see. This has been a true battle – a war in my soul. To keep looking at mounting physical evidence and deny that its logical […]

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