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Shifting From the Promise to the Present

Shifting From the Promise to the Present

The whole “promise” thing makes me want to scream. I have spent so much time trying to figure out if I have a promise from the Lord about more children, and, if so, how this miscarriage fits into all of it. I have trusted and doubted and given up and castigated myself for being a […]

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Wanting Physical Proof   I have two weeks to wait for another ultrasound. Two weeks to find out: Am I going to receive the desire of my heart, or am I going to experience the second greatest heartbreak of my life? But, see, even those very questions – they put faith in where we all […]

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

To Dominic on Your Birthday: The Measure of a Year

How do we measure a year? In birthdays. This one – your first – what does it measure? The ways we have loved you, without you, and how we have known pain unimagined, heartbreak, the stone cold hard reality of death at our door. Dreams ripped apart, theology torn Fists to the sky, fallen souls […]

Gravestone Rain

Gravestone Rain

I am supposed to be planning my son’s first birthday. Instead, I went to his grave. I’ve written so much about the ways The Lord has blessed me through Dominic’s death. But sometimes, like today, it just sucks.  Sometimes I am just a mother without a child, sitting in a cemetery, instead of figuring out […]

My Mother’s Day Label

My Mother’s Day Label

The tears came again, today. Mother’s Day actually sneaked up on me this year, and I didn’t even realize it was coming up until two days before. Probably a good thing, that. No Label For Me This is the first Mother’s Day that I am a… Well, what am I, exactly? Certainly not an orphan […]

The Hard Assignment

The Hard Assignment

Divine Subterfuge I had no idea, when Dominic died, just what kind of assignment The Lord was signing me up for. And if I had known, I would’ve just said a big ol’ “NO.” Yep, a la Jonah. Thankfully He didn’t really make it clear what assignment He had for me until I was already […]

Miracles of a Weeping Cherry and Number Sequencing

Miracles of a Weeping Cherry and Number Sequencing

Our weeping cherry tree is blooming. My daughter made progress with understanding number sequencing. And, yes, those two things are connected. The Weeping Cherry I’ll start with the weeping cherry tree. It was a gift from some friends at church, after Dominic died. Kind of a miracle tree, in some ways. You see, we had […]

The Burden

The Burden

The Burden I am not an equal opportunity pray-er. I used to be. Years ago, when I would hear prayer requests, at church or elsewhere, I would do things like write them all down, and go through them one by one, even if I didn’t know the people, and I would say prayers for them, […]

A New Understanding of Easter

A New Understanding of Easter

Easter has always been a time when I have tried to understand. I know the theology: Sin creating a chasm between a holy God and a fallen humanity Sin leading to death by virtue of being the opposite of God (because God is life) Only a perfect God, who was also fully human, in the […]

Windows in the NICU

Windows in the NICU

Before, Dominic, I’d never been to the Neo-natal Intensive Care unit (NICU) in my life. After Dominic, I never wanted to go to the NICU again in my life. God had a different plan. Doesn’t He always? I continue to be left breathless in amazement from the ways the Lord has shown Himself to me […]

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