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5 Years Later

5 Years Later

Sometimes I feel I have lived a lifetime in the past five years. My life, in every respect, has two distinct parts: before Dominic and after Dominic. The “after Dominic” part has, without a doubt, included the most profound suffering, pain, and devastation I have ever experienced. I have hated it, fought against it, been […]

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

It is almost 2016, and it has been months since I have blogged. The past few months have been a slow, laborious process of doing grief work – but not so much over Dominic. I have realized that this past year the greatest portion of my grief has not been so much over the children […]

How The Last 3 Years Have Changed Me

How The Last 3 Years Have Changed Me

It has been a month of tears. I’ve had just enough time to get past the 17th – the due date for the child I lost in miscarriage – to start emotionally preparing for the 31st. I can’t believe he would have been 3 years old. We would know if all that hair turned out […]

Over the Hill, Not Empty-handed

Over the Hill, Not Empty-handed

I’ve passed the threshold. No, it’s not the “over the hill” mark, although it certainly is that, too. This birthday has marked a new place in my life that I never thought I’d reach – The age of 40 without any more children. Since Dominic, I’ve just known, somewhere deep, that I would have more […]

The Sacrifice of the Christmas Promise

The Sacrifice of the Christmas Promise

How many Christmases, with the world focused on the baby who came into the world, am I going to be blogging about losing a baby? Ughhhhh. So I’ve been doing a whole lot of praying and listening and talking with God and a whole lot of processing and writing (well, actually, those are never mutually […]

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Lord had told me, over and over again, through this pregnancy, to trust Him. To hope in Him. To have faith that He is the Truth, not what I see. This has been a true battle – a war in my soul. To keep looking at mounting physical evidence and deny that its logical […]

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Wanting Physical Proof   I have two weeks to wait for another ultrasound. Two weeks to find out: Am I going to receive the desire of my heart, or am I going to experience the second greatest heartbreak of my life? But, see, even those very questions – they put faith in where we all […]

It’s Not Good News

It’s Not Good News

I finally got into the doctor today – after 5 days of bleeding. If you’re going to start bleeding big time from your pregnancy, the day before the Thanksgiving holiday is not the day to do it. Just sayin’. I got an ultrasound, and the news wasn’t conclusive, but neither was it good. They were […]

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

The Earth Is Trembling I am bleeding. I don’t even care that that’s TMI, because right now there are just too many more important things going on in my world than whether or not I am following guidelines of decorum. I have been bleeding for two days, and I don’t mean just a little spotting. […]

God’s Promise To Me

God’s Promise To Me

It has taken a while for the reality to sink in; to believe that it’s really, truly, real… We are going to have more children. I kept one of the pregnancy tests (yeah, there were a bunch of them) out on the bathroom counter for about a week, just because I’ve dreamed about having a […]

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