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The Next Chapter I Haven’t Wanted

The Next Chapter I Haven’t Wanted

So far 2016 has not been kind. No, 2016 hasn’t resulted in a pregnancy (yes, I do realize that at 41 I should be long beyond even hoping for it). It has, however, brought the loss of two of my best friends within a three-week time span, whose husbands’ jobs moved them to two different […]

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

It is almost 2016, and it has been months since I have blogged. The past few months have been a slow, laborious process of doing grief work – but not so much over Dominic. I have realized that this past year the greatest portion of my grief has not been so much over the children […]

How The Last 3 Years Have Changed Me

How The Last 3 Years Have Changed Me

It has been a month of tears. I’ve had just enough time to get past the 17th – the due date for the child I lost in miscarriage – to start emotionally preparing for the 31st. I can’t believe he would have been 3 years old. We would know if all that hair turned out […]

July and the Fulfiller of Desires

July and the Fulfiller of Desires

I hate July. July 31st was the day Dominic was born – the child I lost. Today, July 17th, was the day my most recent baby was supposed to be born – the one I lost in miscarriage. Instead of giving birth to the child for which I have longed, I am relegating the baby […]

Over the Hill, Not Empty-handed

Over the Hill, Not Empty-handed

I’ve passed the threshold. No, it’s not the “over the hill” mark, although it certainly is that, too. This birthday has marked a new place in my life that I never thought I’d reach – The age of 40 without any more children. Since Dominic, I’ve just known, somewhere deep, that I would have more […]

On Turning 40

On Turning 40

I asked it, the question: What is the measure of a year? A birth, a death…pointing beyond the here And now, but now I ask again, wondering anew… This time, though different, moving through From one year to many, 40 to be exact Half a life or so, time for purpose to be intact.   […]

At the Halfway Point…What’s the Point?

At the Halfway Point…What’s the Point?

The Funeral I didn’t even realize it was my first funeral since Dominic, until the moment I sat down in the pew. Then I all of a sudden, in a grief-wave rush, very much realized. I guess I just didn’t even think about it – the whole, “You haven’t been to a funeral, yet. That […]

Weightless

Weightless

It absolutely took my breath away. Standing, alone, at the top of the snow-blanketed ski mountain, my breath made puffs in the frigid air – that is, until it was taken away. Lilac, rose, apricot and butter hues painted the never-ending sky, radiating their infusion into the deepening blue as far as I could see […]

A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?

A Promise, A Blessing, or Neither?

It has been haunting me, the question: “If I could get it wrong, after so much effort and time and energy and care, how can I ever hear His voice in my life?” And, then: “If I can’t hear His voice, how can I make it?” Living Without My Oxygen Hearing God’s voice was what […]

Self-Centered Sufferer

Self-Centered Sufferer

I am really self-centered. No matter how much I claim I love my Lord, no matter how much I seek Him and pray and read His Word, no matter how much I endeavor to serve and minister and share His truths… The truth is that I really love myself more. You know how I know? […]

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