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5 Years Later

5 Years Later

Sometimes I feel I have lived a lifetime in the past five years. My life, in every respect, has two distinct parts: before Dominic and after Dominic. The “after Dominic” part has, without a doubt, included the most profound suffering, pain, and devastation I have ever experienced. I have hated it, fought against it, been […]

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

Grief 301: Scrapbooking and The Lord’s Next Plan For Me

It is almost 2016, and it has been months since I have blogged. The past few months have been a slow, laborious process of doing grief work – but not so much over Dominic. I have realized that this past year the greatest portion of my grief has not been so much over the children […]

July and the Fulfiller of Desires

July and the Fulfiller of Desires

I hate July. July 31st was the day Dominic was born – the child I lost. Today, July 17th, was the day my most recent baby was supposed to be born – the one I lost in miscarriage. Instead of giving birth to the child for which I have longed, I am relegating the baby […]

Self-Centered Sufferer

Self-Centered Sufferer

I am really self-centered. No matter how much I claim I love my Lord, no matter how much I seek Him and pray and read His Word, no matter how much I endeavor to serve and minister and share His truths… The truth is that I really love myself more. You know how I know? […]

Angry

Angry

You know all those stages of grief? Yeah, well I am fully, completely in the stage of ANGER.   It’s Different This Time I didn’t really get here, with Dominic. First of all, I never expected him to live – maybe that was God’s grace to me, I don’t know – but I didn’t have […]

Losing, Again

Losing, Again

I was wrong. Devastatingly wrong. There is no baby – It is definitely a miscarriage. Remember that critical part of the Miraculous-Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith Building Plan, hearing correctly? Yeah, well, apparently I didn’t. And, instead, we seem to be on the Rebecca-is-Humbled plan. Not sure how faith-building this plan is, but it definitely makes it clear […]

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Miraculous Hear-Correctly-and-Obey Faith-Building Plan

The Lord had told me, over and over again, through this pregnancy, to trust Him. To hope in Him. To have faith that He is the Truth, not what I see. This has been a true battle – a war in my soul. To keep looking at mounting physical evidence and deny that its logical […]

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Physical Proof? Or Proof Of His Presence?

Wanting Physical Proof   I have two weeks to wait for another ultrasound. Two weeks to find out: Am I going to receive the desire of my heart, or am I going to experience the second greatest heartbreak of my life? But, see, even those very questions – they put faith in where we all […]

It’s Not Good News

It’s Not Good News

I finally got into the doctor today – after 5 days of bleeding. If you’re going to start bleeding big time from your pregnancy, the day before the Thanksgiving holiday is not the day to do it. Just sayin’. I got an ultrasound, and the news wasn’t conclusive, but neither was it good. They were […]

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

Do You Trust That I Am the Truth?

The Earth Is Trembling I am bleeding. I don’t even care that that’s TMI, because right now there are just too many more important things going on in my world than whether or not I am following guidelines of decorum. I have been bleeding for two days, and I don’t mean just a little spotting. […]

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